Tales of Stupidity
by turquoisefox
Summary: This is a series of ridiculous events in the journey of Lloyd and friends. Rating for language and Zelos-related humor. Chapter 3- Snowed In
1. Default Chapter

A few notes from the author:

First off, the seemingly-mandatory disclaimer: I don't own ToS or the characters, places, events, or items in the aforementioned game. I do, however, own one very strange sense of humor.

This is my first ToS fanfic, so bear with me, okay? This is going to be a series of silly humor stories starring the Tales of Symphonia cast. I haven't finished the game, but I'm getting there, so excuse any inaccuracy that might occur. Also, there's probably going to be a bit of OOC behavior since this is a comedy. Enough pointless babble, on to the story!

Altamira....It's called the "Seaside Paradise. For Lloyd and his friends, the luxury of actually being able to sleep in at the hotel is enough reason to call it "paradise." That is, until Genis awoke early one morning and realized the date.

"Lloyd! Wake up! Guess what day it is?"

"Mmphhh," Lloyd responded, talking into his pillow.

"I said, guess what?" Genis began bouncing excitedly on the bed.

"You're an annoying pest who won't let me sleep. Is that what you wanted to say?"

Genis ignored him. "No, guess what day it is? You remember, don't you? It's my birthday!" He continued bouncing on his knees until Lloyd sat up, rubbing his eyes.

"Oh yeah, it is. I remember. That's still not an excuse to wake me up when we're supposed to be on vacation!"

"Well, you need to practice for when this little break is over. We still have a world to save, ya know."

"Ok, ok, I can take a hint. I'm up," Lloyd muttered, tossing aside his blankets.

"Come on, let's go wake the others!" Genis insisted. "I'm ready for breakfast."

"You can do that. I'm not risking an ass-kicking this early in the morning."

Genis pouted. "Oh, all right. We can wait for a little while, but not very long."

The two sat there for a few moments, not saying anything. Then, they heard a yawn and turned toward the other beds in the room. From the sounds of things, Zelos was awake. Lloyd and Genis watched him sit up, stretch, then climb out of bed. Then they screamed. Zelos was naked.

The two frightened boys dashed out of the hotel room and into the hallway, still screaming bloody murder. Moments later, they were joined by Raine and Sheena, who both looked sleepy and irritated.

"What are you two idiots screaming about at this time in the morning?" Sheena demanded.

Genis's mouth was open in terror, and he was shaking from shock. The only thing he could manage to say was "Z-zelos..."

"What about Zelos is so important that made you wake us up with your hollering?" Raine asked, raising an eyebrow.

Lloyd managed to gain enough composure to speak. "He's well....naked. I guess he sleeps in the nude or something, because when he got out of bed, we saw everything!" Lloyd covered his face with his hands, trying to erase the frightening mental image.

"You poor thing!" Raine cried, pulling her brother into a comforting embrace.

"That must have been scary for you!" Sheena cooed, also hugging Genis.

"Hey, what about me? I'm traumatized, too!" Lloyd protested. However, the girls ignored him and continued to fuss over Genis.

"You go back in there right now and tell him to put on some clothes," Raine ordered.

"But sis, I...I don't wanna go back in there and see him again." Genis sniffed sadly. "Make Lloyd do it!"

"Just make sure SOMEBODY does it," Sheena said, yawning. "Aren't we supposed to eat breakfast in there for your birthday?"

Raine's tone changed. "Oh, of course. Happy birthday, baby brother!" she crooned, squeezing him even tighter. "You're growing up so fast!"

"If you really love me, sis, you'll let go. You're making it hard to breathe!"

"Sorry," Raine replied, releasing her constricting hug. "Anyway, are you going to make Zelos put on some clothes or not?"

"Fine, I'll do it," Lloyd grumbled. He shut his eyes tightly and opened the door. "Zelos! For the love of all that's holy, put on some freaking clothes!"

A few moments later, Zelos came out into the hall wearing a tacky robe made of leopard print silk. "What's the matter, boys? Was the site of all that masculinity making you jealous?" He smirked in his usual obnoxious way. "Too bad you hunnies missed the show."

"Oh, what a shame!" Sheena rolled her eyes at him.

"Jealous of you? HA!" Lloyd added. "Are we going to eat or what? I'm starving!"

"Colette and Presea are making pancakes. They should be ready any minute," Raine told him. The five of them entered the males' room. By now, Regal was awake and sitting at the table, reading a newspaper. The others took their seats and made idle conversation until Colette and Presea joined them, each carrying a large plate stacked high with pancakes.

"Breakfast!" Colette called in a voice that was way too cheerful for that time of morning. They set the plates on the table and everyone began to help themselves.

"This is good," Lloyd said through a mouthful of pancakes.

"Don't talk with your mouth full. And chew with your mouth shut while you're at it," Raine reprimanded.

"Yes, Mother," Lloyd replied sarcastically.

WHACK! Raine backhanded him across the face.

"Ow, Professor. Isn't it too early for that?" he complained, rubbing his sore cheek.

"Maybe that will help you wake up, Lloyd." Genis smirked. "Pass the syrup." He took a sip of coffee.

"How many cups of coffee have you drunk this morning?" Raine asked.

"Only three, maybe four."

"Three or four? Genis, you're going to be bouncing off the walls! You know what happens when you have caffeine!"

"Oh, come on Raine!"

"Fine. Just stay away from me when you start acting insane."

Once everyone had finished and the table was cleared, Colette asked, "Isn't it time to give Genis his presents?"

"Presents?" Zelos asked. "Is it the twerp's birthday or something?"

"Well, yeah." Genis glared at him. "If you'd paid attention to anything I said, you would have known that a long time ago."

"Happy birthday, then. How old are you? Nine? Ten?"

Genis gave him an even nastier look. "Thirteen."

"Oh, sorry," Zelos said without sincerity. "I'm sure you'll have your growth spurt eventually." Genis just ignored him, because by that time, Lloyd had produced a sloppily-wrapped package.

"Oh, wow! Lloyd, this is great!" Genis exclaimed. He had opened it to discover a beautifully sculpted metal figure of a dragon with outstretched wings.

"Altessa let me use his forge," Lloyd explained. "

"This is from me," Regal said, handing Genis a box. "I don't know you well enough to know what you like. I hope you like chocolate."

Genis looked in the box, discovering assorted chocolate candy. "I LOVE chocolate! Thanks, Regal."

"You get to deal with him when he gets hyper from the sugar," Raine warned.

"Here, kid," Zelos said, handing Genis a handful of gald. "I didn't know it was your birthday, so take this instead of a gift. Maybe later I'll get a pair of Presea's panties for you." Genis blushed, and in a rare display of strong emotion from her, Presea punched Zelos in the gut.

"Ignore him," Presea said quietly. "I have something for you, too. I thought your old straw hat was starting to look a bit worn." She handed him a baseball cap that read "I went to Altamira and all I got was this stupid hat." Genis stuck it on his head and grinned. It looked a bit silly with his red pinstriped pajamas.

"Open mine next!" cried Colette. She handed him a wrapped package. Anyone could tell by the shape what it was. Still, Genis pretended to act surprised when he unwrapped a rather thick book. "Thanks, Colette. I can't wait to read it!"

"Here's my gift," Sheena said, pulling out a weird-shaped package. When Genis opened it, it turned out to be a set of bongo drums.

"Sheena, do you hate us that much?" Lloyd complained. "He'll be beating on those things for days and driving us crazy!"

"Driving you crazy, you mean. I don't have to share a room with him," Sheena reminded him. "Besides, I thought they were cool."

"They are," Genis assured her. "I promise I won't play them at night...unless you really make me mad!" He grinned devilishly.

"I could never forget my own brother's birthday. I have something for you too-homework!" Raine announced. Seeing the look on Genis's face, she added, "I was just kidding. I had your kendama customized." She handed Genis what looked like a souped-up new version of his old kendama.

"Wow! Thanks, sis! You're awesome!" Genis hugged her. "I'm gonna try it right now!"

"Be careful," Raine cautioned. "With the upgrade, now it shoots...." But it was too late. Genis fired the kendama, and it released a stream of fire. It hit the curtains, which instantly began to burn. ".....fire." Raine sighed, finishing her sentence too late. In an unusual instance of quick thinking, Lloyd grabbed Genis's coffee cup and doused the flames.

"I had something else," Raine said in an attempt to break the following silence. "I....don't think you'll want it, though."

Lloyd snickered. "I'd bet you anything she made you a cake." Instead of the usual glare Raine gave anyone who made jokes about her cooking, she went back to her room and returned with something that looked like it had once been intended to be a chocolate cake. The top layer was pushed to one side and hung over one edge. It looked ready to fall off at any second.

"Just because it looks funny doesn't mean it tastes bad." Colette tried to be optimistic and cut a piece. She chewed for a moment, then made a strange face. "I'm sure it was supposed to be a bit...firm, right?"

"Firm?" asked Zelos, who had just tried a piece. "More like hard as a rock."

Raine looked hurt. "I'm sorry I wrecked your birthday cake, Genis."

"Aw, it's all right," he reassured. "Maybe Noishe will eat it." Just then, a puff of smoke appeared from nowhere, and out stepped the Wonder Chef.

"Culinary disaster? Never fear, the Wonder Chef is here!" He smiled broadly and produced a large frosted cake out of thin air. "Happy birthday, kid. Take my advice and don't eat anything your sister cooks." With that, he disappeared in the same puff of smoke that had brought him into the room.

"I wonder, where does he come from?" Presea marveled.

To this, Regal responded, "All great chefs have their secrets."

Nobody noticed that Zelos had slipped out of the room. He was next door, in the room where the females were staying. Opening each of their bags, he rooted around until he found what he sought.

"Let's see...I promised Genis Presea's panties, so Presea's panties he shall have....Ooh, black silk. Professor, I didn't realize what a naughty girl you are. Hm, I wonder what kind of underwear angels wear? Colette, you're so innocent! Hehehe, I'm sure Sheena won't miss a pair or two." Stuffing the stolen panties into his pockets, Zelos returned to the next room before the others noticed he was gone.

Next chapter: A storm forces the whole group to stay in one room for the night. Can they survive without beating the crap out of each other?


	2. Ocean Commotion

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Reviewsauthor's incentive to write more. The promised chapter with the ToS cast stuck in a hotel room has been postponed. This chapter is actually an extension of the last and was originally meant to be included in it. Oh, and one last thing-I pick on Zelos and Genis the most, but I don't dislike them. They're just the easiest characters to make fun of, in my opinion.

The next morning, Genis woke up with a headache. No, he wasn't drunk. Maybe it had come from all the junk food he'd eaten at his birthday party, or maybe it was just allergies. Whatever the reason, it prompted him to get out of bed and make his way to the bathroom. His friends were keeping medicine in there, and he was pretty sure there was a bottle of aspirin somewhere to be found. He found the aspirin, popped one or two in his mouth, then went back to bed.

It didn't take long for Genis to realize he couldn't go back to sleep. He felt hyper- very, very hyper, in fact. He felt the sudden, unexplained urge to jump on the bed, so he began bouncing up and down, as hard as he could. All this bouncing was bound to be noticed by someone, though.

"Knock it off, Genis!" a still half-asleep Lloyd muttered, tossing a pillow at him. The impact of the said pillow was enough to send Genis crashing into the wall behind the bed. Of course, this woke everyone else in the room. A few moments later, they heard pounding on the door. Lloyd answered to find the girls staying in the room next door looking very irritated. Genis had resumed jumping on the bed.

"Who was beating on the wall?" Sheena demanded.

"It's Genis's fault!" Lloyd insisted. "He was jumping on the bed and making too much noise."

"So he jumped into the wall?" asked a confused Colette.

"Not exactly. I told him to cut it out and threw a pillow at him. The pillow knocked him into the wall."

Genis was now eating a banana while still bouncing, repeatedly yelling "I'm a monkey! I'm a monkey!"

"Genis, how many cups of coffee have you had this morning?" Raine asked her hyperactive brother.

"None yet. The only thing I've had all morning is the water I took my aspirin with."

"Don't bounce while you're eating. You might choke," Raine warned.

"And that would be a bad thing how?" Zelos asked, receiving nasty glares from everyone else. "What?" he inquired. "Doesn't he drive the rest of you nuts, too?"

Everyone ignored him, and Raine continued interrogating Genis. "Why did you take aspirin?"

"I had a headache," Genis said, as if taking aspirin first thing in the morning was something everyone did on a regular basis. "But now I don't anymore. I feel great!"

Raine silently wondered who had kidnaped her brother and replaced him with this ultra-hyper freak. "Show me what you took." she demanded.

Genis bounced off the bed, nearly falling on his face. He dashed into the bathroom, then came out holding a large pill bottle. "Here you go. This is it. I don't know why you want it; it's just a bottle of....." He paused, reading the label for the first time. "...Energy Tablets."

"That explains everything!" Raine cried. "Those things might restore health when you're slightly injured, but when taken at full health, they, well.....I think Genis's behavior speaks for itself."

"Outlook does not seem favorable," Presea observed. "Is there any way to reverse the effects of the tablets?"

"Besides beating him over the head?" Zelos smirked.

"I could try a nullification spell," Raine answered. "Let me get my staff." When she returned, she concentrated for a moment, her staff glowing. She aimed it at Genis, and a light engulfed him. Then he began yelling in pain.

"OW! Raine, stop! OW! Wrong spell! You used Ray instead of Nullify! OUCH! That's why you don't use magic when you're half asleep! OW!"

"Oops. Sorry, little brother." Raine charged another spell, this time healing her crispy-fried brother. Then finally, she was able to cancel the effects of the Energy Tablets.

"Can we please go back to bed?" Lloyd whined. "It's too early to get up!"

"I concur," Regal said, opening his mouth for the first time all morning. "We may as well be fully rested before we go to the beach."

"We're going to the beach today?" Genis asked. "YAY!" He began bouncing on the bed once more.

"Professor, I thought you'd cured his hyperactivity," Lloyd said, scratching his head.

"There is no cure for Genis's natural personality," Raine responded. "He just gets like this sometimes."

"Sorry, sis. I'll calm down now," Genis said, fearing his sister might smack him.

It didn't take long for everyone to realize that they were wide awake and not going back to sleep any time soon, so within half an hour, everyone was in the hotel lobby, dressed for the beach. When Zelos saw the girls, his eyes grew wide and his mouth dropped open. "Wow! You hunnies look even hotter than usual!"

"Zelos, you're drooling," Sheena observed, choosing to ignore his comment. "I don't think the hotel staff would appreciate you salivating all over their clean floor."

"Are you sure it'll be okay to take him out in public like this?" Raine asked, putting a hand under Zelos's chin to close his gaping jaws.

"With luck, we can pretend we don't know him," Lloyd muttered.

"I'm gonna learn how to surf!" Zelos proclaimed. "Chicks dig surfer guys."

"If they can actually surf," Sheena smirked.

Once Zelos had calmed his fit of horniness, the group managed to make their way to the beach without an incident. Zelos rented a surfboard, Raine and Sheena set up their beach towels under and umbrella, and Regal went to buy food. Colette spotted a volleyball court and ran off to join the game. Lloyd and Genis decided to teach Presea how to swim. It didn't take long for Zelos to find out surfing wasn't as easy as he'd thought. In the first five minutes, he fell off the board eight times. It was funny at first, but eventually the others grew tired of watching him wipe out and went about their own business.

About an hour later, Sheena shrieked, "Is that Zelos?!"

"What, you mean over there?" Raine asked, looking up from her book. "He's been falling off of that surfboard for nearly an hour now. You're just now noticing?"

"No, I mean here," Sheena replied, gesturing toward the magazine she was reading. "Somebody was actually stupid enough to think people would want to read an interview with him."

"Well, he IS the Chosen," Raine pointed out to her. "Why is that strange?"

"Would you just take a look?" Sheena demanded, losing patience.

Raine glanced over Sheena's shoulder. "Oh, I....see w-what you mean," she stammered, apparently in shock. On the page in front of the two women was a large photo of Zelos in a pair of briefs. "How long has he been modeling underwear?"

"I have no idea. You'd think he would have been bragging about it and shoving the article in our faces."

"This may sound sort of odd, but..." Raine paused, wondering if she should continue vocalizing an observation that might disturb Sheena. "Tighty-whities? I would have guessed Zelos is more of a thong type."

"I know what you mean. Look at his choice in swimwear. The problem with men like him is that they're good-looking and know it."

"Better not let him hear you admit you think he's attractive," Raine advised.

"Agreed. He might have a pretty face, but his attitude is, well...."

As if on cue, Zelos yelled, "Hey ladies! Check this out!" He had somehow managed to stand up on the board and was riding a small wave. Unfortunately, he was so distracted by his flirting, he lost his balance. Everyone on the beach watched as he tumbled off his board and was carried to shore by the waves. "You saw nothing," he shouted, spitting sand out of his mouth. Raine and Sheena were red-faced and laughing like maniacs. "What's so funny?" he demanded.

"Oh, n-nothing!" Sheena insisted, trying to keep a straight face. "Go on with whatever you were doing."

As he headed back to the ocean, Raine asked, "Don't you think we should have told him he lost his swimsuit?"

Colette wasn't having much better luck with volleyball than Zelos with surfing. Every time she went after the ball, she tripped and fell on her face. Her teammates were getting sick of it.

"Hey, you klutz! Why not go find something else to do?" asked a particularly large man whom Colette had smacked into.

"I-I'm really sorry," she said softly. "Maybe this isn't the best place for me..." Her voice trailed off and she looked like she was going to cry. Just then, something else caught her attention.

"Lloyd! Presea! What are you doing?"

"Oh, hi Colette!" Lloyd grinned. "We're burying Genis in the sand. Want to help?"

Colette cheered up instantly. "Sure! That looks like fun!"

"Why did I let them talk me into doing this?" Genis grumbled.

"Because Lloyd threatened to tell Raine you put one of Noishe's hairballs in her coffee cup if you didn't," Presea reminded him.

"You did WHAT? Ew, Genis, that's gross!" Colette exclaimed.

The conversation was halted as Regal walked by with two large bags of what was obviously food. "This should be a nice finishing touch," he chuckled, sticking an apple in Genis's mouth. "Now he looks like a roast boar."

The others howled with laughter. Genis tried to protest, but his mouth was full and his hands were buried under tightly packed sand, so he couldn't do anything about it. "Let me get my camera!" Colette cried. She ran toward Sheena and Raine, who were keeping everyone's beach bags under their umbrella. "Sheena! Professor! Come look at this! It's so funny!"

"I think Raine's asleep," Sheena told her. "Do you really want to risk waking her up and facing her anger?"

"I'm awake now," Raine mumbled. "What is it you need?"

"I need my camera from my bag. Lloyd and Presea and I did something so funny to Genis, you have to see it!"

"All right, I'm coming," Raine agreed, attempting to bring herself to a standing position. However, she hadn't noticed before someone had used the strings of her bathing suit top to tie her to the umbrella. "Wha-ARGH!" she cried. As she stood up, the umbrella was pulled out of the sand. It whacked her in the head, sending her face-first onto the ground.

As Sheena and Colette attempted to free Raine from the beach umbrella of doom, Zelos (now thankfully wearing a towel) sauntered toward them. "Need some help, ladies?"

"Not from you," Sheena snapped. "You'll probably snatch off her top the moment we get her untied."

"Now are you sorry you 'forgot' to tell me my bathing suit was gone?" he sneered.

"You did this? How could you?" Colette squeaked.

"Does it matter? Don't you think Raine and umbrellas are meant for each other anyway? Get it-Raine, umbrella?" He snickered at his own bad pun.

"Shut up and get this thing off of me!" Raine shrieked.

Lloyd, Regal, and Presea had noticed the commotion and joined in the effort to separate Raine and the beach umbrella. It wasn't until she was freed that they realized they had left Genis in all the excitement.

"Genis is still up to his neck in sand!" Presea reminded them.

"Let me take a picture before you dig him out of there," Colette begged once they had returned to an extremely annoyed Genis. "Say 'cheese,' Genis!" She took several shots before joining the others in unearthing/un-sanding him. For once, he was silent and merely glared at everyone.

That night, everything had settled down, or at least settled down enough to where no one was planning to strangle anyone else in his/her sleep. Zelos thought it might be a good time to continue his panty raids, but his plans were disrupted when he discovered Raine had evidently returned to her room early. She didn't seem to hear him though, as her back was to the door and she was absorbed in the book she was reading. It didn't take Zelos's perverted mind long to realize he was alone with a woman in a bedroom. "Time to have a little fun." he whispered to himself.

Somehow, Raine did not hear Zelos's comment to himself or his footsteps. He placed his hands on her shoulders and began massaging them.

Raine let out a small cry of surprise, then realized who it was. "Get lost, Zelos."

"But my sweet hunny," he breathed, wrapping his arms around her and placing his mouth to her ear, "I want you."

Raine was now infuriated. "And I want YOU to stay the hell away from me!" She leapt off the bed and grabbed her staff, which she swung wildly at him.

"Help! Crazy woman!" Zelos screamed, sounding a bit like a little girl. He dashed out the door, Raine chasing him.

"Come back here, you sick-minded pervert!"

"YAAAH! She's gonna kill meeee!" Zelos yelled. He flung open the door to the boys' room, rushed inside, and dove under the nearest bed. His companions looked up from their poker game, confused.

"Zelos Wilder! When I get hold of you, I'm going to castrate you!" Raine hollered, trying to drag him out by his leg.

"Professor, what's 'castrate' mean? Isn't that what you're doing now- you know, to scold someone?" Lloyd asked.

Raine gave him an irritated look. "That's 'castigate.'"

"So what does that other word mean?"

Raine sighed. "'Castrate' means to (whisper, whisper)." Lloyd's eyes grew wide.

"RUN, ZELOS!" he yelled. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE AND YOUR MANHOOD!"


	3. Snowed In

It's time for chapter 3! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm sorry if this isn't as funny as the other chapters.

It is said that all good things must come to an end-even vacations in Altamira. Lloyd and friends somewhat reluctantly packed their belongings and checked out of the hotel. Finding themselves on the road again, the little group made their way toward....well, they weren't entirely sure.

"Lloyd, I'm beginning to suspect you don't actually know the way to Meltokio," Sheena commented.

"Nonsense. I know this is the right way," Lloyd assured her.

"Then why are we in the middle of a snow field?"

"Um...it's winter now?"

"Nice try, blockhead. Let's turn these Rheiards around and go the right way this time."

"Let me navigate!" Zelos insisted.

"Why you?" Genis demanded. "I doubt your sense of direction is any better than Lloyd's."

"Because, pipsqueak, I LIVE there. Don't you think I'd know where it is?"

"There's a lot of stuff I think you don't know." Genis stuck out his tongue.

"Grrr...if we weren't flying 100 feet above ground, I'd smack you, twerp!"

Genis decided to employ an age-old trick to get Zelos to stop bothering him. "Waaah. Raaaiine! He's being mean to me!" He pretended he was going to cry.

"That's enough out of both of you!" Raine snapped. Clearly, she was still irritated about what happened the night before (although she did not follow through with her promise to separate Zelos from his....manly apparatus.) Genis and Zelos quickly shut their mouths. Raine was not the kind of person either of them wished to argue with, especially at this altitude.

After a few minutes of flying in silence, Regal spoke. "It's getting late, and we're obviously not going to make it to Meltokio before tonight. We should find a place to stay."

"It's also starting to snow," Presea observed. "If we don't find shelter soon, our vision will be obscured."

"We're near Flanoir anyway. We should stay at the inn there," Sheena agreed. As the group approached the city, the snow began to fall so heavily they were forced to land and travel the last mile or so on foot. When the city gates were in sight, they started to run. By the time they arrived at the inn, it was becoming difficult to see more than a few feet in front of their faces. Lloyd was first through the door, followed by his seven freezing, wet companions.

"We need two rooms," he told the receptionist, gasping for breath.

"I'm sorry, sir," she said. "Due to the snowstorm, we're packed tonight. We only have one room left."

Lloyd looked at his companions. "I guess we'll either have to share or sleep out in the snow." To nobody's surprise, not one person chose the snow.

Five minutes later....

"I must be in heaven," Zelos sighed. "Sharing a room with these sweet hunnies."

"It's more like hell for me," Sheena grumbled. "I can't even change out of these wet clothes because the King of Perverts is watching."

"You could always change in the bathroom," Raine pointed out, gesturing toward the bathroom door. She had apparently done just that, because the others noticed for the first time that she was wearing flannel pajamas.

"Aw, I liked the nightgown you wore in Altamira so much better," Zelos grinned lecherously.

"I wouldn't wear anything less than this since I'm stuck in here with you. Besides, it's cold!"

"If any of you ladies get cold, you could always snuggle with me," Zelos offered.

"You try and you'll find yourself lying in a bloody heap outside," Sheena threatened.

"Sheena, why would you do that? That's not very nice!" Colette said, coming out of the bathroom in a long nightgown.

"You missed the rest of the conversation," Sheena replied.

"But still, why would you do that?" Colette continued, still confused.

"Just forget it."

When everyone had changed, Lloyd began rooting around in his bags. "What are we going to eat?"

"There's no stove in this room," Genis said. "It looks like it's going to be sandwiches. So, what kind do you want?"

"Peanut butter and jelly!" Lloyd yelled.

"No, peanut butter and banana!"

"Presea, that's gross!"

"How about tuna?" Colette suggested.

"We don't have any tuna," Genis informed her.

"Ham!" cried Raine.

"Turkey!" Sheena called.

"I want egg salad," said Regal.

"Sandwiches are boring!" Zelos whined.

Genis looked furious at this point. "Since you can't agree on what to eat, you can make it yourselves!"

By the time eight people had made their own different sandwiches, the food supply was noticeably lighter. "We should have eaten at the inn's restaurant," Lloyd muttered. "So, there are four beds. Who's going to share with who?"

"I'll sleep outside before I sleep with Zelos," Sheena informed the others. Raine and Presea nodded in agreement, while Colette just looked confused. Genis snickered.

"Well, I won't share with a little twerp who probably still wets the bed," Zelos snapped, glaring at Genis.

"I do not!" Genis shouted.

"Quiet, Genis. Do you want to wake up the people in the next room?" Raine reprimanded her brother.

"Lloyd will do that anyway with his snoring," Genis said.

"Well, you thrash and kick!" Lloyd retorted.

"Raine talks in her sleep," Sheena added.

"Oh, no!" Lloyd wailed. "She'll probably lecture us on ruins all night!" SMACK! Raine bopped him over the head.

"I do not lecture in my sleep!" she insisted.

"I remember once you were jabbering in some ancient language in your sleep," Genis told his sister. "Then there was the time you woke up screaming at me not to make fun of your cooking."

"But she does that when we're awake, too," Colette observed. After several more minutes of arguing, they somehow managed to work out the sleeping arrangements-Lloyd would share with Genis (despite their complaints about each other), Sheena with Presea, Raine with Colette, and Regal had a bed to himself because Zelos refused to share a bed with another man and declared he would sleep on the couch.

"So, now what do we do?" Lloyd asked. "It's too early to go to sleep."

Zelos grinned. "We could play Truth or Dare."

Raine raised an eyebrow at his suggestion. "Aren't you getting a bit old for that?"

"Aw, come on, Professor. You never get too old to make people do stupid, humiliating things," Lloyd urged.

"I'm surprised you want to play that game after what happened last time," Genis remarked. "Although I shouldn't be, considering the way your memory is."

Lloyd flashed back to the last time they played Truth or Dare. The image of himself running around the lobby of Ozette's inn in his underwear clucking like a chicken made Lloyd realize why this was a bad idea. "Um, she's right, actually. Let's not play that game."

"What's the matter? Don't want to give an encore performance of your chicken routine?" Genis smirked.

"Shut it, Genis."

"Let's play I spy!" Colette chirped. Nobody really felt like doing it, but there wasn't much else to do. "I spy something pink!"

"Presea's hair," Sheena muttered in a bored tone.

"How did you guess so fast? It's your turn now." Colette's eyes were wide.

"Just lucky. I spy something with polka dots."

"A ladybug?" Lloyd guessed.

"Why would there be a ladybug in here?" Presea gave Lloyd a questioning look.

"Maybe it's cold, too." The others rolled their eyes.

"Genis's socks?" Colette suggested.

"Colette, my socks are white."

"Oh. I guess those are stains, then."

"It's that painting on the wall, isn't it?" Zelos guessed.

"Right," Sheena said, obviously still bored.

"I spy something that clucks."

"Dammit, Zelos, can't you let that go?" Lloyd balled his hands into fists.

"Lloyd, violence doesn't solve anything," Regal cautioned.

"Can't you _children _play a simple game without fighting?" Raine complained. "I'm going to sit in that chair and read."

For a few minutes, nobody said anything. Eventually the silence became too much for Genis. The sight of Raine absorbed in her book, oblivious to everything going on in the room, was too much tempting. He crept behind his sister's chair, reached out, and poked her arm.

"What, Genis?"

"I didn't say anything," he said innocently.

"No, but you poked me."

"No, I didn't!"

Raine ignored him and went back to reading. Genis gave her a moment to refocus on her book, then he poked her harder.

"Genis, what is it? I'm trying to read."

"I didn't do anything!"

"Yes, you did!" Raine went back to her book with an irritated face. This was becoming entertaining. Genis thwacked her side with his index and middle fingers

"Genis, for the last time, WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Nothing." He waited for a few more moments, then began poking Raine mercilessly.

Raine glared at her brother furiously. "Genis, how many times have I told you not to bother me while I'm reading?" Her voice was calm and threatening, like a mother who was about to start yelling at her naughty children. Then, she whacked him over the head with her book.

"Ow...it had to be one of the thick ones, too...." Genis murmured, holding his head.

Zelos, meanwhile, seemed to be searching the room without any luck. "Looking for something?" Regal asked him.

"I'm trying to figure out how to order room service," he replied, testing what looked like a button on the wall but turned out only to be a knothole in the wood panelling.

"Room service?" Lloyd scratched his head. "What's that?"

"You backwater hick! You don't know what room service is?"

"Room service is when you have the hotel staff bring things to your room, like food," Regal explained. "I don't think small inns like this one offer room service."

"You mean I have to walk all the way downstairs to get a drink? What's this world coming to?"

"You should try prison life, Zelos. You'd learn pretty quickly to do without."

"You're spoiled," Sheena added."

"I guess there's no spa, then, either?"

"Nope. That's a pity, though. I enjoyed the one at the hotel in Altamira."

"Why would anybody want to go to a spa?" Genis asked. "It's just boring girly stuff like getting your nails done."

"I like getting my nails done!" Colette held up her pink polished fingers. "Aren't they pretty? My toenails match, too."

"I could use another massage," Raine added.

"I'm always willing to give you one, baby."

"I already told you 'no.' Do I have to beat the idea into your thick head?" Raine waved her staff threateningly. "You're not a professional anyway. You don't know what you're doing."

"He's a professional idiot, if that counts," grinned Sheena.

"You wound me, my dears. But speaking of that spa, they give excellent facials."

"You got a facial? HA HA! What kind of man are you?" Genis taunted.

"For your information, twerp, my hunnies love a man with smooth skin."

Their conversation was interrupted by screaming. Lloyd had apparently been trying to roast marshmallows in the fireplace, and his sleeve was now on fire. He ran around the room frantically, waving his arms screaming, "I'm on fire! Put it out! Put it out!"

"Flailing your arms will just make it worse," Raine advised.

"Immersion in water will douse the flames," Presea stated simply in her usual, almost mechanical way.

Lloyd ran into the bathroom. The others watched as he plunged his arm into the toilet and let out a relieved sigh. Sheena shook her head. "Didn't he realize he could have used the sink?"

Colette was busy eating the toasted marshmallows. "Isn't it nice and warm in here?"

"Yes it is, my sweet angel," Zelos replied. "If any of you hunnies get too hot, you can always take off those heavy pajamas and..."

"Sheena, are you thinking what I am?" Raine asked, interrupting Zelos's perverted train of thought.

"Indeed. Are you ready?"

"DOUBLE BITCH-SLAP!" the two angry women yelled, slapping Zelos's face at the same time.

Genis snickered. "I think Raine and Sheena learned a new unison attack."

"My poor, beautiful face!" Zelos wailed, sticking his head out the window to let the snow cool his stinging cheeks. He wondered what those crazy girls would do if they found out their panties had been disappearing pair by pair. He grinned and shoved his hand in his pocket.


	4. Cockroaches and Tattoos that Don't Exist

Disclaimer's the same as always, in case anybody needs an update. You don't? Didn't think so. If you want to sue anyway, contact my lawyers at the firm of Sage, Irving, & Wilder....wait a minute! Genis, Lloyd, Zelos, you guys aren't lawyers! I guess you can't sue me after all.

The scene at the beginning of this chapter was inspired by something that happened the night before I began typing. I found a cockroach in the bathtub, then in an odd coincidence this morning, something nearly identical to the planned scene happened, except at school instead of a hotel. My teacher "bravely fought" the cockroach that was terrorizing several students. Sheesh, I say step on the stupid things and don't make a big deal of it.

It was becoming something of a strange morning ritual. For the third morning in a row, the day began with someone screaming. This time, though, it wasn't Genis.

"AAAAAH! COCKROACH!" Colette shrieked and ran out of the bathroom.

"Huh?" Regal asked, rubbing his eyes. Everyone was awake now but Lloyd, who could sleep through anything, it seemed.

"There's a roach in the bathroom! It's a big, ugly, nasty cockroach!"

"You woke us up because of a _cockroach_?" Genis groaned.

"Step on it and go back to sleep," came Raine's voice from under the blankets on the bed she and Colette had to share.

"But I don't want to go near it!" Colette whined. "I hate roaches!"

"Colette, it's just a bug. We've fought things hundreds of times bigger," Sheena pointed out to her.

"If you're not afraid to fight monsters, there's no reason to be scared of insects," added Raine.

"Whoever said the monsters didn't scare me?"

"You still faced them, scared or not. That's what matters."

"Professor, this isn't about what it means to be brave. It's about a huge, awful roach crawling around the bathroom. I won't go near a cockroach until the day you go swimming in the ocean!"

"What has the ocean got to do with it? Just kill the roach and be done with it."

"I'm not going in there!" Colette insisted.

Zelos had been listening the whole time and jumped off the couch where he'd slept. "I'll save you from the foul vermin, my dear. After the offending insect has been vanquished, we shall leave. We should not have to tolerate an inn that is infested with cockroaches!" As if he was a hero of some kind, Zelos, with much show, grabbed a shoe and proceeded to pound the roach. After a few smacks, complete with sickening crunching noises, it was reduced to a blob of goo.

"See, Colette?" Sheena asked. "It's that easy. If Zelos can do it, anyone can."

Lloyd, who had missed the whole thing, was finally awake. Looking out the window, his face broke into an excited smile. "Snow day! No school!" he cried gleefully.

Presea gave him a strange look. "You are not in school now."

"Besides," Genis added, "It always snows in Flanoir."

Luckily the snow had stopped during the night, so travel was once more possible. Our heroes checked out of the inn (Zelos and Colette made sure to file a complaint about the roach) and continued their journey toward Meltokio.

Things were relatively peaceful until the group stopped to eat lunch in a field in...someplace. Lloyd was navigating again and they weren't really sure where they were.

"Raine, my gorgeous ultra-cool beauty," Zelos cooed, swallowing a mouthful of cold spaghetti. "Could I pretty please be allowed to see your tattoo?"

Raine looked confused. "Tattoo?"

Zelos nodded. "Won't you tell me what kind it is?"

"What tattoo?"

"Don't be shy. Since it's in a rather embarrassing place, we could step off into the woods so no one else sees."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Raine demanded. "_I don't have a tattoo!_"

"You...don't?"

"No, I don't, and I want to know where you got the idea that I do."

"Ask your brother."

"GENIS SAGE!" Raine shouted. "GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE NOW!"

Genis knew not to disobey when Raine used that tone. He somewhat reluctantly jogged over to where his irate sister and the idiot Chosen stood.

"Genis, did you tell Zelos I have a tattoo?"

"....Maybe."

"Don't lie, you little twerp," Zelos snapped. "You told me she had a tattoo on her ass."

"You told him WHAT?" Raine looked at her brother furiously. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn't beat you."

"Um...because I'm your brother and you love me and you'd never do that?" Genis asked, knowing effort was futile.

"Nope. Start running!" Raine swatted him with the back of her hand and began chasing him around the field. The others watched, wondering what Genis had done this time.

A/N: There was supposed to be more to this chapter, but I decided to go ahead and upload.


	5. Welcome to Casa De Zelos

A/N: Glad you're liking this. Enjoy the next chapter.

Everyone was sick of being lost. Lloyd couldn't navigate his way out of a paper bag, and it seemed like they'd been traveling in circles. Finally, Zelos lost the last of his patience. "That's _it_! Since we all want to get to Meltokio _some time this year_, and since Mr. Irving here doesn't know southwest from sweat socks, I'm taking over navigation!"

"Since we're going to your house, why didn't you lead the way from the start of the trip?" Presea asked, giving him one of her puzzled looks.

"He was too busy flirting with Sheena when I asked him if I could lead," Lloyd said. "As distracted as he was, he would have agreed to give me his entire fortune."

"I'm not that stupid!" Zelos snapped.

"Yes, you are!" Genis retorted. "You're the one who believed me when I said Raine had a tattoo."

"Well, I think tattoos are sexy. What's wrong with dreaming a little?"

Raine gave him a glare. "There's one more reason I'm not getting one. And Genis, I don't think you should bring that up again. Don't you think you're already in enough trouble for that incident?"

"Yeah, my butt still hurts from the spanking you gave me."

"Come on, little brother, I didn't hit you _that_ hard!"

"Yes, you did!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Did so!"

"Did not! And don't contradict me, young man!"

Lloyd gave Colette a confused look. "I'm glad I'm an only child, aren't you?"

After an exhausting and argument-filled flight, the group arrived in Meltokio. Zelos led them to the front door and bowed exaggeratedly. "Welcome to Casa de Zelos. There's always a party at my house! You can do whatever you want, as long as you don't break or steal anything. Eat and drink as much as you want, stay up late, hell, you can even walk around the house naked for all I care." He grinned lecherously at the girls. "In fact, in your cases, I encourage it."

"Try anything funny and I'm going to stay at the inn," Sheena warned.

When Zelos opened the door, his butler, Sebastian, greeted them. "Welcome home, Master Zelos. I see you've brought Master Bud and his friends as well."

Lloyd glared. "It's 'Lloyd,' not 'Bud.'"

"Ah, of course, Master Bud."

"Sooo," Zelos said casually, trying to break the tension between Lloyd and Sebastian, "what do you all want to do first?"

"Eat!" yelled Lloyd and Genis at the same time.

"Can't say I disagree there," Zelos grinned. "I'll just notify my personal chef, and all we'll have to do is wait."

"But what do we do while we wait?" Colette asked him.

"Why, whatever you want, my dear Colette. Would you like to go swimming?"

"Where can we swim? We're not at the ocean."

"That's where my heated indoor pool comes in, oh gorgeous angel. After we're done in there, we can all get in the hot tub. It's like the hot springs, but inside. And no towels needed," he grinned.

"I'm not going swimming. No way." Raine stated.

"Fine. You can be boring and watch the rest of us have fun," Zelos told her.

"Hey!" she snapped. "If you almost drowned as a child, you wouldn't like water either!"

"I could show him what it means to nearly drown," Genis offered.

"You're not strong enough to hold my head underwater, twerp," Zelos sneered back at him. "Seriously, Raine, if you hate water so much, how do you bathe? You certainly don't smell like you never bathe."

"Baths are different," she insisted.

"How?"

Genis sighed. "There's no point being logical with a person who has an irrational fear."

"What I want to know is why somebody who hates water was enjoying herself so much in the hot springs," Zelos commented.

"How do you know I was in the hot springs? Were you spying on us?" Raine demanded angrily.

"I, um, heard it from Sheena?"

"Nuh-uh. Nice try," Raine glared at him.

Lloyd grinned triumphantly. "I told you it wasn't me spying on you! I told you it was him all along!"

"Are we going swimming or not?" Zelos demanded. "I suggest you go change into your swimsuits now."

"You just want to change the subject so the girls don't beat you senseless," Genis accused.

"I thought I told you to shut up, twerp!"

"Don't call me a twerp!"

"You are a twerp!"

"Both of you, stop it!" Raine snapped, knocking their heads together. It was obvious she was still upset about the idea of swimming.

It took nearly 15 minutes to get everyone changed. Presea couldn't find her swimsuit, and it turned out it had accidently been packed in Colette's bag. Then Lloyd couldn't find his flippers and snorkel, and he and Regal spent the next few minutes debating whether or not he actually needed them in a swimming pool. Genis had trouble blowing up his beach ball and looked about ready to hyperventilate.

Lloyd was first in the pool. He leaped onto the diving board, yelled "Belly flop!" then proceeded to jump belly-first into the water. "Ow...ow...ow.." he mumbled.

"Lloyd, didn't you learn your lesson about belly flops the last time you tried that?" Genis rolled his eyes.

The others soon joined Lloyd in the pool, except for Raine, who stretched out on a lounge chair with a book. "You sure you don't want to join us, Sis?" Genis yelled.

"No, I'm fine right here, thank you. HEY! Who threw that beach ball at my head?"

Back in the water, Lloyd tried his best to look innocent. Zelos and Genis pointed accusing fingers at him.

"I swear, Lloyd. It's a wonder you can defeat monsters with aim like that," Zelos smirked.

"Shut up."

"Is that the best you've got, Irving?"

"I've had enough of this!" Raine snarled, practically jumping out of her chair. "You're practically begging for me to hurt you."

"What's her problem today?" Zelos grumbled. Sheena muttered something under her breath about PMS.

"What's PMS?" Lloyd looked confused, and Sheena whispered something into his ear. "Ohh, I get it now," he grinned. "I always thought it was just another word for 'bitch.'"

WHACK! Raine's thick book came down on his head. "WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?"

"N-nothing."

"That's good." Raine sat on the edge of the pool, evidently tired of not being part of the "fun." She decided dipping her feet in the water wouldn't kill her.

"Ooo, Professor!" Colette squealed. "Your toenails are pink! It's such a pretty color!"

Raine smiled at her. "I'll give you a manicure later if you want, dear."

Colette looked excited. "Can I style your hair? We could have a slumber party!" She giggled.

Genis looked at Lloyd. "Uh-oh. I think we'd better avoid the girls later if they're going to act like this."

"I'm just surprised your sister paints her nails. I didn't think she cared about stuff like that."

That evening, Genis discovered the girls were indeed having the "slumber party" Colette was planning. He knocked on the door to the guest room where Colette was staying, hoping maybe she knew where he'd left his kendama. He heard someone yell "Come in!" so he assumed it was safe to enter. Then he screamed.

These...people didn't look like his friends and his sister. Their faces were covered in some kind of weird green stuff. Colette was brushing Presea's hair, and Sheena was covering Raine's head with plastic curlers.

Genis bolted from the room and slammed the door shut. Zelos just happened to be walking down the hall and stared at him. "What's the matter, kid?"

"Too...much...girliness," Genis panted. "They've covered their faces in green goo, and they're giving each other makeovers or something."

"There's nothing wrong with what our lovely female companions are doing. It's quite normal," Zelos assured Genis. "The 'green goo' you're referring to is probably a clay mask. It's great for the skin."

"How do you know about stuff like that?"

Zelos just ignored him. "I think I'll go keep the ladies company. If you don't want to join me, it's your loss."

Several minutes later, Lloyd, Genis, and Regal heard insane giggling coming from Colette's room. Fearing something strange might be happening, they burst through the door...and couldn't believe what they found.

The girls were gathered around Zelos, and for once, nobody was hitting him. Sheena was in the process of covering his face with the clay mask, Presea and Colette were braiding his hair into two long, red braids, and Raine was filing his fingernails. What was more surprising was that Zelos seemed to have submitted to this voluntarily.

Lloyd's mouth hung open. "Zelos, what are you doing?"

"What does it _look_ like I'm doing?"

"You look like you're playing beauty shop with a bunch of girls," Genis taunted.

"For your information, brat, women love a man who's in touch with his feminine side. Besides, this feels nice."

"Nobody likes an egotistical pretty boy, though."

"Nobody likes a smart-mouthed brat either!"

"Zelos, Genis, don't make me hurt you," Raine warned, picking up the nearest "weapon", which happened to be a hairbrush.

For once, everyone just laughed at Raine's threats.


	6. Bad Hair Day

A/N: Here's the next chapter. This chapter features almost exclusively Raine and Sheena, but there's a reason it has to be them. All I'll say is that Zelos is in trouble now!

Raine awoke with a horrible realization-she still had the curlers in her hair, so her whole head was covered in ridiculous curls. As she was taking out the curlers, she glanced into the mirror on the wall and nearly screamed. It looked like a bird had tried to nest on her head and failed miserably. Sheena had put these awful curls in her hair, so maybe she knew how to get rid of them.

"Sheena! Sheena! Wake up!" Raine urged, shaking Sheena a bit too roughly.

"What? Raine, it's too early. Leave me alone."

"Sheena, you have to help me."

"With what? If it's Zelos, you're capable of beating him up on your own."

"No, for once he's innocent. It's my hair."

"What about your...oh, I see." Sheena had to struggle to stifle her giggles. She couldn't let Raine know how stupid she thought her hair looked.

"You put the curls in; do you know how to get them out?" Raine urged, anxious to be rid of the offending hairstyle.

"They'll fall out on their own," Sheena yawned.

"How long will that take?"

"I dunno. A couple of days, maybe?"

"I can't let anybody see this! I need them gone now!"

Sheena sat up, rubbing her eyes. "Okay, okay, don't have a fit. I'm awake. I'll help you. Maybe if you used a hair straightener, you might be able to tame that mess on your head. I bet Zelos has one. He has more grooming products than the rest of us combined."

"Hm, you're probably right about that. Is there any way we can borrow his hair straightener without him seeing my hair? You know he'll say something rude."

"I'll go ask him, if he's awake. I won't tell him why I need it. In the meantime, put on a hat, or tie a scarf around your head. I wouldn't go out in public like that if I was you either."

"Thanks for the advice," Raine remarked sarcastically.

The two women met outside Zelos's bedroom five minutes later. Raine had found a bandana somewhere and tied it around her head. She looked a bit odd, but at least it hid the curls. "Did you get it?" she asked hopefully.

"No. I keep knocking, but he won't answer. I hope he's not passed out or anything."

Raine sighed. "I suggest you go inside and shake him awake."

Sheena made a face. "The last thing I want is to have him catch me in his room. He might get the wrong idea. Besides, Lloyd and Genis said he sleeps naked. Haven't we seen enough of that already?" Unpleasant memories of the trip to Altamira invaded Sheena's mind. " We don't have much of a choice though, do we?" Sheena opened the door, eyes squeezed tightly shut. "Is it safe to look?" she asked Raine.

"I don't know. I'm not looking either. "

Sheena somehow managed to find the courage to open her eyes. To her surprise, most of Zelos was covered by blankets. He was shirtless, but that was all she could tell. Then, she burst out laughing. Zelos was wearing a pink eye mask. "Raine! Hey, Raine! Look at this!"

Raine giggled. "He never fails to look foolish, does he?"

Sheena poked Zelos in an attempt to wake him. "Zelos? Hey, it's time to get up, okay?" No answer. She shoved him a little. "I said get up! Weren't you listening?" He still didn't respond. Sheena's patience was gone. She began slapping his face. "DAMMIT ZELOS! WAKE UP, YOU IDIOT CHOSEN!"

Finally, Zelos responded in a confused, sleepy voice. "Huh? What is it?"

"I need to borrow a hair straightener. Do you have one?"

"Yeah. It's in here somewhere," he mumbled, before turning onto his side and going back to sleep.

"He's hopeless," Sheena sighed disgustedly. "We have his permission, so it looks like all we have to do is find it. How hard could that be?" She immediately began searching the room, starting with the bedside table.

"I don't know if poking around Zelos's room is a good idea," Raine commented. "I'm a little afraid of what kind of things we might find."

"You want to get rid of those curls or not?" Sheena demanded impatiently. "It's a risk we'll just have to take."

Raine nodded. "Where do you think he keeps it?"

"Who knows? Is it on top of that dresser?"

"No. What about on one of those chairs."

"Nope. It's not on the floor, and it's not on a tabletop. Looks like we'll have to start looking inside the drawers, even though I really don't like that idea." Sheena opened the drawer on the bedside table. It contained the usual kind of thing that might be in such a drawer- a comb, face cream, a candy bar, nothing interesting.

Meanwhile, Raine tried the desk. She didn't really know why Zelos might keep hair care products in his desk, but it didn't hurt to look. In fact, she was mildly surprised the goofy Chosen even had a desk, considering he didn't seem to do work of any kind. True to her suspicions, the search was futile. "Sheena, I'm going to check the bathroom. Have you looked in the dresser?"

"That's the next place I'm going to look. This is starting to get ridiculous."

Sheena opened the top drawer and examined its contents. It contained, as expected, clothes. The next drawer, to Sheena's disgust (but by no means surprise), housed a large collection of dirty magazines. Grimacing, she closed it and opened the next one.

Suddenly, Raine called out from the bathroom, "Sheena! I found it!"

"Good!" Sheena responded cheerfully, but her tone changed when she glanced down into the drawer she was about to shut. "ZELOS! What are these doing here?" She was holding a pair of underwear, but Zelos didnt' respond. He was still asleep. "Raine, you'd better come here. I think Zelos may have something of yours."

Raine gave Sheena a curious look as she left the bathroom, hair straightener in hand. "What do you mean?" She looked in the drawer. "Women's underwear? Don't tell me he wears them. HEY! These are mine!" She snatched a pair of panties out of the drawer. "I've been missing these for awhile now, but I thought maybe they got lost last time I did the laundry."

"I bet these other ones belong to Colette and Presea. How long has that filthy pervert been stealing our panties? I can't believe we didn't catch him sooner." Sheena was red-faced and fuming. "There's no way we're letting him get away with this!"

Somehow, Zelos slept through the whole thing. When he finally did wake up, he walked into the bathroom sleepily and splashed water on his face. When he looked in the mirror, he froze in shock. Scrawled onto the glass was a message written in red lipstick: ZELOS WILDER, YOU'RE A DEAD MAN! - R.S & S.F.

"Sebastian!" he hollered for his butler, panicked.

"What is it, Master Zelos?" Sebastian asked.

"What? How'd you get here so fast?" Zelos looked confused.

"If you had been paying attention, you would have seen me enter your room five minutes ago."

"Whatever. Take a look at this. What does it mean?" the shaken Zelos asked.

"Hm...it would seem that Professor Sage and Miss Fujibayashi are upset with you. Have you done anything to make them angry?"

Zelos rolled his eyes. "Those two women are crazy. They're always angry with me."

Sebastian shrugged. "I'm afraid this is something you're going to have to settle on your own." With that statement, he left the room, leaving Zelos to wonder what Raine and Sheena were plotting to do to him.


End file.
